Cos Some Days You Won't Remember, But Most Days You Can't Forget
by thereforebucket
Summary: From Setsuna's days at the Shinmeiryuu school. When asked why she wants to protect her charge, Konoka, 9 year-old Setsuna is thrown off. She starts thinking and is surprised when she finds the answer. One-shot. KonoSetsu up to a point, implied one-sided affection. Reviews, please! This is my first fanfic!


_(Title from Hurting, by Ben Sollee)_

CLANG!

Setsuna's sword bounced off the rock again. She raised it to the side of her head again and swung with all her might. "Ougi Zanganken! (Ultimate Secret Technique Stone-Cleaving Sword!)"

CLANG!

Sweat was running freely from her brow, getting in her eyes. She wiped her face with her sleeve and raised her sword again. "Ougi Zanganken!"

CLANG!

Crying out in frustration, the 9 year-old swordswoman in training collapsed onto the tree roots behind her. A sob wracked her body. _Stupid,_ she thought, _You'll never be strong enough to protect her! Never!_ She had only stopped because she knew that anymore and she wouldn't have enough energy to get back to the Shinmeiryuu School. There was a special technique used to break rocks with a single sword stroke, but so far, all Setsuna had been able to do was make chips in the rock, nothing even close to breaking it. She practiced on the same rock every time she needed to be alone in the past two months, ever since that day she had realized…

Setsuna, a small amount of energy regained, jumped to her feet, pulled off her outer layer of clothes, and dove into the stream. She had to get somewhat clean before she came back, or else people would start to wonder what she was doing out there by herself, and she couldn't have people prying into this matter. The cold water washed away the physical evidence of her situation, but only seemed to trap herself in her mind. _It's been a long time since I've even spoken to her, and I've only seen her from afar on assignments,_ she thought, _How do I even know what this is?_ But no, there was no escaping her revelations. That day two months ago had happened, and set in motion a chain of events that could not be stopped. Unwillingly, Setsuna remembered what had happened, trying and failing to shut it out of her mind completely.

* * *

"Sakurazaki Setsuna-san," called her instructor, "come forward and show me the strike you have been working on."

Setsuna stood up and walked downstairs to the arena-style classroom. There were several people in her class, though it was more like a daily clinic than a class. All watched her intently as she unsheathed her sword and prepared to demonstrate her strike. "Hiken Zankūsen! (Hidden Sword Technique Air-Cutting Flash!)" A small circle of _ki_ was released that was meant to cut the enemy.

"Good job, Setsuna, although you want more of a 10 foot radius for your circle of _ki_ rather than a 3 foot radius. See me after class and I'll help you work on it."

Blushing slightly, Setsuna bowed and sat down. At the end of class, she went back down to the arena, where her instructor was waiting. "Setsuna-san," he said, "before you draw your sword, think about why you are in this school. It is very important that you do this now." _That's easy,_ she thought, _to protect Kono-chan!_ Thinking about her best friend made her feel strong, like she could fight 1000 monsters to protect her, even if her skill was still lacking now. "Now, what is your reason?" asked her instructor.

"To protect Konoka-Ojousama!" she said, reverting to the more formal honorifics in front of her instructor.

"Very good," he said, "Now, the objective of this session is to learn how to channel this energy into your strike. Now, as the protector, all of your loyalty is devoted to your charge. Is it, Setsuna-san?"

"Yes!" shouted the eager swordswoman.

"Would you protect her no matter what?"

"Of course!"

"Even at the risk of your own life?"

"Even then!"

"How far are you willing to go for her?"

"To the ends of the earth, sir!"

"And why?"

This question threw Setsuna a bit. She had never considered why, beyond the fact that Konoka was her best friend and her charge. "Be-because I'm her protector and I have to keep her safe, sir!" she answered, blushing slightly for her off-balance answer.

"Good!" replied the instructor, "Now channel your feelings into your strike. You may draw your blade, now."

They practiced for about an hour before the instructor said that Setsuna should go and practice on her own. Later, in the forest, Setsuna was practicing the strike, seeing if she could mark a tree that was a measured 10 feet away with her _ki_ circle.

"Hiken Zankūsen!" she cried, over and over again. Setsuna thought about her training with the master that afternoon. _Why? _he had asked. She raised her sword. "Hiken Zankūsen!" There were still no marks on the tree. She set up the strike again. Why indeed? Did she need a reason to protect ("Hiken Zankūsen!") Kono-chan besides being assigned to her or being best friends? The instructor had been satisfied with that answer, so why wasn't she? She pondered possible reasons ("Hiken Zankūsen!") behind her dissatisfaction with her own answer. It was a true one: she was Konoka's protector and was sworn to keep her safe, so it wasn't because it was a false answer. Setsuna thought about how maybe it was because she didn't mention Kono-chan being her best friend, ("Hiken Zankūsen!") but that didn't seem like it either. She raised her sword again, thinking of Kono-chan. She swung her blade around, practicing the move again. Was it because—no, it couldn't be! Was it because she was…in love with Konoka?

As she thought the words, Setsuna froze. Her sword stopped mid-strike. "Hiken Zankū—" Instead of blushing, all the color drained from Setsuna's already pale skin. Her eyes snapped as wide as they could go. For a few seconds, all she could do was stay still. She _couldn't_ be in love with Konoka! Konoka was her best friend! It just wasn't possible! Her sword clattered to the ground as Setsuna began to tremble all over. It quickly transformed itself into a violent shaking. She collapsed on the cool dirt in shock, staring at a single point on the ground. Her feelings were so obvious now that it was like a slap in the face. Her answer not being satisfying, her super-protectiveness, the reason for when she on the assignments where she saw Konoka from far away and her face turned beet red—all were explained with a simple explanation: love.

But if it were true, then what did that mean? It meant that she could never be simply friends with Konoka like she used to be. It meant that she wouldn't be able to rationalize what was a legitimate threat to Konoka and what was simply a threat to her own love life. It meant that she would have to stay away from her best friend, even at the risk of hurting the other girl and herself. And what if Konoka didn't love her in the same way? Konoka would never know why she stammered everything with a beet red face if they had to interact, and Setsuna would get her heart broken when Konoka ultimately chose someone else. She entertained briefly the idea that maybe her love for Konoka was a small crush that would go away with time and the right person coming along before realizing that this _wasn't_ some silly crush, but love that ran as deep as she was capable of loving, a love that was never changing in its ways, a love to last forever.

Setsuna's eyes started to water. Could Konoka ever love her? _No,_ she thought, _I am not interesting, I am not beautiful, I am awkward and only good with a sword. Moreover, we are both girls._ This realization hit her like a slap in the face. Konoka was the only heir to a great and powerful family. There was no way that they would let their heir love another girl. Heirs provided new heirs, and, well, a woman sort of needed a man to do that… The worst part of this situation was that Setsuna could do nothing to change it. She couldn't change being born with a lower status than Konoka. She couldn't change being a girl. She couldn't change the fact that Konoka probably wouldn't love her the way she did. Most of all, Setsuna couldn't change her love for Konoka, no matter what she tried, she knew that she would never be able to change it. Never.

Setsuna, for the first meaningful time in her life, broke down and sobbed.

* * *

The water pressed in on Setsuna's lungs, providing an ample distraction from her memories. The water and training had become her refuge, her hiding place from the face that followed her always. She had become quite the swimmer since that day in the river, and now knew without a doubt that if something like that happened again, Konoka would be safe in a heartbeat. It was a comforting thought. Still, Setsuna swam every day to build up her strength. Although she was tired from trying to slice the rock, the freezing water gave her energy. She swam to the side of the stream, then pushed off with her feet, swimming with the current all the way to a boulder, which she caught onto. She then turned around and started swimming back upstream. The stream wasn't very wild, but it was good to practice in, and the coldness of the water gave her something different to focus on.

Still, she had to get out and rest eventually. Lying on the bank, Setsuna tried her hardest to think of other things—her training, the different moves she was practicing, even what might be for supper that evening, but she was so tired that she decided not to fight it anymore and to just let herself think about the situation at hand. She'd have to face Konoka eventually, as she was training to be her bodyguard. Still, so long as she was near enough to keep her out of harm's way, she didn't actually have to talk to her, right? It may take extra work, but if it were to keep her Ojousama safe, she could definitely handle it.

Her mind wandered to how she would deal with Konoka when she started dating. She imagined a tall, dark, and handsome stranger taking Konoka on dates, getting her flowers, kiss…kissing her. Setsuna shuddered. What if this faceless man—no, boy—were cruel to her? What if he didn't treat her right? The thought filled her with boiling rage and gave her energy to spring to her feet and grab her sword.

"OUGI ZANGANKEN!"

BANG! The rock split in two, the half on top flying into the stream with a SPLASH! Setsuna stood there, chest heaving, for a second, then realized that she had done it. She had split the rock she had been trying to for a month now. Did this mean that she was strong? That she would just have to work hard and she would be able to protect Konoka? "Well, I'm not backing out," she said aloud, raising her sword in the air, "I, Setsuna Sakurazaki, will protect Konoka Ojousama with my very life if necessary!" With that, Setsuna sheathed her sword and started her trudge back to the school, very much needing a long-deserved rest.

**So there you have it. Please remember to review if you liked it or didn't like it or just wanted to say something about it!**


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